Shoop and Christmas Music

I was thinking about Christmas music with the recent passing of Andy Williams. I'd always wanted to do some sort of essential Christmas music list, so I think Andy's a pretty good place to start. By "essential Christmas music," I suppose I mean those songs that mean "You know it's Christmas season when you hear..." And for me, Williams was about It when it came to Christmas. I'll be listing songs by better singers, perhaps, but Andy W. just sounds like Christmas. I think that's because he so clearly loved Christmas--you can't have a Contractually Obligated to Sing Christmas Songs attitude and sound like Williams. When he sings, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year," he means it. His joy and enthusiasm for the season even let him get away with that monumentally silly "swinging" he does with "Happy Holidays"--"He'll be coming down the chimney down"? (Because he's an umbrella?) So hoop de do and dickery dock, indeed--Andy's Christmas music still rules.

That's why I'd put him just a hair ahead of the other big Mr. Christmas music, Bing Crosby. And this is to take nothing away from Bing--this man practically invented the art of singing for the radio. And "White Christmas" is still tops for a lot of people, even with the somewhat dated 1940's production values. While you've got your radio on an all-Christmas station (which I promptly do by mid-November), listen to one of Bing's other Christmas numbers, "Do You Hear What I Hear?" With just a hint of shift of emphasis, he goes from Shepherd Boy to Mighty King as naturally as breathing (plus it's cool to hear his "B's" explode on "Shepherd Boy")--the guy knew what he was doing, all right.

Other Christmas songs that I look forward to hearing, the good, the bad, and the slightly offensive:

Feliz Navidad--yeah, I know, you'll hear it a couple hundred times when you're not looking for it. What sells me every time is Jose Feliciano's "A-ha!" somewhere in the middle--I'm not sure if it's he's just having fun, or if he's saying, "I know you're expecting me to do this because that's what Puerto Rican singers are supposed to do."

Sleigh Ride--Debbie Gibson's version: a few odd choices in my list--this is one, admittedly. Of course, the Ronnettes do it better--everything off the Phil Spector Christmas album is golden. Still, there's something about Debbie's enthusiasm along with the retro production--I think it kicks in when she starts singing "Giddyap, giddyap, giddyap go!" I'd ride her--I mean, ride with her.

I Believe in Father Christmas--Greg Lake: "Be it heaven or hell, the Christmas we get we deserve"? (Cue the Prokofiev.) Not the darkest Christmas song ever, of course (my vote would be the Kinks' "Father Christmas"), but the darkest Christmas song you'll ever hear on regular Christmas rotation, because no one's paying attention to what Lake is singing, and Prokofiev's "Troika" sounds so wintery.

"Christmas Waltz"--Frank Sinatra: Most of Sinatra's seasonal output falls into the aforementioned "Contractually Obligated to Sing this Christmas Shit" category--most especially those painful late-in-the-day duets where the "guest artist" feigns spontaneous banter with Frank, who has long since left the studio. But here, he's simple and sincere, and lets that voice of his do its job. Bonus: the sweet "Merry Christmas" he says at the end, where he sounds just like a guy from Jersey wishing you a Merry Christmas.

"Mary's Boy Child"--Boney M: Christmas with an island beat is never a good idea. This is the exception.

"Christmas Rapping"--The Waitresses: a little of that distinctive hungover monotone goes a long way, and this song clocks in at over five minutes, but the girls still tell a cute story.

"Hey Santa"--for years I thought this was Wilson Phillips. Turns out it's only two-thirds of Wilson Phillips. That's all I've got for this one.

"Last Christmas"--Wham's version and Taylor Swift's version. I probably don't have to explain what the ever-fabulous George Michael and Andrew Ridgely are doing here (although the song is best appreciated while watching their classic ski-lodge themed video). But Taylor Swift? Well, just listen to when she gets to "My God, I thought you were someone to rely on." Girl's been there, bro. She feels it.

"Wonderful Christmas Time"--Demi Lovato. Yes, Demi Lovato. Message to Sir Paul: you know you're not even trying when Demi Lovato's version of your song kicks your butt. That's because she thinks she's singing a real song, and she throws herself into it with reckless abandon.

"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"--Jackson 5. Again, the Ronnettes do it better, but there's something somehow "real" (and a little touching) about the conceit that little brother Michael is trying to tell his brothers--and then threatening to tell his Daddy--that Mama was kissing Santa Claus. Of course, the idea that a grown-up Michael might still believe in Santa was somewhat less touching and somewhat more weird--see below.

"Little St. Nick"--The Beach Boys. There's always something "off" about Beach Boys' Christmas music--kind of like that scene in "Annie Hall" where we see the Christmas decorations on California palm trees. And there's that weirdness vibe--the feeling that Brian Wilson really did think there was "The Man With All the Toys," to quote another of their Christmas ditties. (Their version of "Frosty the Snowman" is just all over the place, with weird interpolations of "Pop Goes the Weasel" thrown in at random.) But "Little St. Nick" hearkens back to what the Beach Boys did at least second best--singing about transportation--by way of celebrating Santa's sleigh as if it were a car. (It took me years of listening to figure out that the "Little St. Nick" of the title was the sleigh.)

There's plenty more that I'm slighting (especially Nat King Cole and John Lennon), but I'll close this with the battle of the Springsteen Christmas songs: "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" has the Jersey boardwalk atmosphere, and it's fun to hear him crack up toward the end, but I'm going to give the edge to "Merry Christmas, Baby" with its killer riff, build, and then return to riff--as classic as sitting down with "A Christmas Carol."

Now...Alistair Sim vs. George C. Scott vs. Patrick Stewart....? That's a toughie.