shoop and the bullies

Schools are re-thinking the way they deal with bullies. They're starting to realize that torture from bullies can have long-term effects, so they're experimenting with intervention--getting the principals and parents involved, getting counseling for the victims and the bullies...all noble ideas. It won't work.

Bully intervention is doomed before it begins, for the simple reason that we love bullies. We reward bullies. We admire bullies. Bullies win.

Now that goes against everything we've been taught by TV--if you're of a certain age, you remember heroes standing up to bullies. Just stand up to a bully, pa or maw or fill-in-the-blank parental figure will say, and the bully will crumble. And on TV, he (or, later, with the national admission that women are just as capable of being bullies, she) does crumble. They either run away or become friends with the hero. And, if you're of a certain age, and you've been victimized by a bully, you've probably tried to do what they did on TV. And what happened? You got beat up, laughed at, and probably disgraced. The bully stopped picking on you whenever he or she felt like it, and not a moment before.

Sometimes, the people on TV knew they weren't telling the truth about bullies. Richard Pryor once had a kid's show, "Pryor's Place." The show died quickly, and it deserved to do so. The comic who had started by emulating Bill Cosby, then broke brilliantly and profanely free from his influence in the early 70s, had at this point in his career (not one of the high points), with corrosive irony, returned to imitating Cosby--"Pryor's Place" was meant to be a "Fat Albert" style show with Pryor giving life lessons. One life lesson was about bullies, and I'll always remember how uncomfortable Pryor seemed, telling the TV viewers, "Maybe if you talk to a bully, you'll find out a bully needs a friend." And you KNEW he didn't believe it for a second. And he was right.

Bullies don't need friends. Bullies aren't cowards. Bullies have friends, admirers, and hangers-on, and the fear and respect of all their peers. If it weren't for the annoying issue of morality, who the hell wouldn't be a bully if he or she got the chance? Look at Dr. Phil--on one particular episode, he derisively waved his hand in front of a guest's face. She was annoyed. "This is my show, and I can do what I want," Dr. Phil replied. That's right, he really said that. Classic schoolyard bully talk. And why shouldn't he be a bully? If I were to say Dr. Phil, "Dr. Phil, you're nothing but a bully. How's that workin' for ya?" Dr. Phil would say, "Well, gee, Shoop, I've got a multi-million dollar empire, millions of fans, and everybody buys my books, including my diet books, and I'm kinda built like a walrus. How do you think it's workin' for me?"

We like bullies. Because we like winners. And the bullies win.

Next time--Shoop and the geek bullies.