shoop and william's doll

I suppose I missed my big opportunity to be topical and say something about Obama's Peace Prize. But really, all I have to say about it that I see the prize as a kind of Saving Private Ryan medal, with the Nobel Committee in the role of Tom Hanks, telling Obama to "earn it." Which is fine with me. Of course, if it's a slap in the face to our former president, I guess that's okay, too--he can handle it. But really, I'd much rather write about my friend William and his doll.

For those of you who didn't pick up on the reference right away, "William Wants a Doll" is a segment from "Free to Be You and Me," a children's special that made a huge impression on me and at least some of my peers. It first aired in 1974 or thereabouts, and it had cartoons, puppets, songs, a slew of guest stars, a distinctly 1970s "let's break down the traditional gender roles" sensibility, and a lot of Marlo Thomas. If you revisit the program after many years, or if you see it for the first time, you'll probably think, "Damn, that's a lot of Marlo Thomas. A LOT. I mean, wow, I kinda liked 'That Girl' and all, but damn, that's a lot of Marlo Thomas." At least, that's what I thought. Come to think of it, I think that's what I was thinking when I first saw it. Now, I know I should give her due credit--Thomas was the producer, and she's the one who made it happen. So if she wants to narrate all the cartoons, provide 90% of the voices, and appear in all the live-action and musical segments, she certainly has every right to do so. It just helps if you like Marlo Thomas. A lot.

The reason "William Wants a Doll" stands out for me is that I use that segment, courtesy of YouTube, on my students when we start reading essays on gender roles. I showed it a week or so ago in class, and one of the "real" professors pounded on my closed classroom door asking me to turn it down. Well, I can't blame Real Professor entirely--the chorus does get a bit insistent: "A doll, a doll, William wants a doll..." with Alan Alda and the kid backup singers milking the childish maliciousness for all its worth. (Marlo Thomas was the voice of William. Like I said, she's all over this thing.) At any rate, the song and cartoon tell the story of William, who wants a baby doll--not in the Karl Malden-Caroll Baker-Eli Wallach sense, but a doll to play "daddy" with (gee, that still sounds sexual, doesn't it?). The dad tries to "man" William up by giving him manly games like baseball and marbles and badminton (badminton?). And William, Alan Alda is quick to point out, is good at all these games--no nancy boy, our Bill. But he still wants a doll. Only grandma is groovy enough to catch on to what William really wants--a chance to practice being a father, which is why little boys should be encouraged to play with dolls.

So I asked the kids after they saw it what they thought. "Guess William wants a doll," said one of the brighter ones. I asked them what they'd think if their son wanted a doll. Some of the girls were okay with it--if it were a baby as opposed to a Barbie or one of the Bratz. Some of the girls were dead set against the idea--MAYBE the kid could play with his sisters' dolls if the dolls happened to be lying around, but no way were they buying their son a doll. No such division among the boys--their sons were not playing with any freakin' dolls--it would be cool action figures or nothing.

So was "Free to Be You and Me" a bust? In some ways, it was. Despite Rosey Grier's best efforts, most boys (and their parents) do not believe it's all right to cry, and we don't all buy into the idea that gender roles need to be shaken or stirred. What's left is some nostalgia and some genuine entertainment. Listen to the not-quite-muppet babies arguing--one of them sounds like Mel Brooks, and he's hilarious. (Yes, the other baby is Marlo Thomas.) And when Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge and friends (and Marlo) are singing "Circle of Friends?" You know they've all just gotten high. And Billy deWolfe, one of the last of the old-time radio/movie/TV sissies-who-can't-quite-come-out (and one of whose last performances this was--you'd probably recognize his voice as the evil magician in "Frosty the Snowman") telling the crying kid that a sissy is someone who's afraid to cry because other people will think he's a sissy? How marvelously subversive. And, although for some reason they cut this in the Nick at Nite rebroadcast, there's a great bit with Dustin Hoffman performing Herb Gardner's monologue "How I Crossed the Street for the First Time All By Myself." Priceless. And Marlo's not in that one.

In the last analysis, as an agent of social change, Free to Be You and Me perhaps inevitably fell short. And there's a shitload of Marlo Thomas. But it's fun. And once you've seen "William Wants a Doll," just try to get that chorus out of your head.